Sepatah Dua tentang LGBT

Bapak-Ibu Anti LGBT yang Terhormat,

Semalam saya dan sahabat bertengkar. Meski bukan kali pertama, pertengkaran itu cukup hebat. Saat kami sama-sama kehilangan kesabaran, ia mengakhiri perdebatan dengan sebuah pernyataan, “Saya rela kehilangan nyawa untukmu.” Dramatis? Memang. Namun tak pelak kalimat tersebut membuat saya terdiam. Mengunci mulut yang sudah panas. Selain orang tua saya, barangkali ialah satu-satunya manusia yang sanggup berkata seperti itu dan sungguh-sungguh memaksudkannya.

Sahabat saya adalah pecinta sesama jenis, atau yang Anda semua kenal dengan LGBT. Singkatan empat huruf yang belakangan menjadi momok di mana-mana, lebih dari para koruptor, sipir pelindung bandar narkoba dan politikus busuk yang terang-terangan menyengsarakan begitu banyak orang di negeri ini. Lima tahun menjalin hubungan dengan kekasihnya, mereka terpaksa bersembunyi. Bayangkan mencintai seseorang selama bertahun-tahun dan tak bisa bergandengan tangan di ruang publik. Bayangkan saling menyayangi dengan tulus sambil mengetahui di luar sana ada begitu banyak lidah yang siap mengecam dan tangan yang siap melempari dengan batu tanpa mau berusaha memahami. Bayangkan seumur hidup menjadi berbeda, dianggap sakit, dituding laknat.

Bapak-Ibu yang Terhormat,

Karena menjadi atau bergaul dekat dengan kaum LGBT kelihatannya mustahil bagi Anda sekalian, tentu Bapak-Ibu tak tahu bagaimana rasanya memiliki satu atau beberapa dari mereka dalam hidup Anda. Mari saya jabarkan.

Di Jakarta yang jauh dari aman bagi perempuan di malam hari, teman-teman LGBT selalu memastikan saya pulang dengan aman. Mereka memagari saya ke mana pun kami pergi, melindungi saya dari pria iseng, membukakan pintu taksi dan membiarkan saya masuk serta turun lebih dahulu demi keselamatan saya.

Saya yang tak paham tata busana, rias wajah apa lagi rambut kini bisa berpenampilan yang pantas bahkan elok berkat teman-teman gay. Kesamaan kami dua: kami sama-sama menyukai laki-laki, dan kami sama-sama manusia.

Lelaki brengsek ada di mana-mana. Teman-teman gay menolong, memberitahu dan menasehati lelaki mana yang pantas didekati, mana yang sungguhan baik dan mana yang hidungnya berbelang-belang—mereka bisa melakukan ini karena mereka pun sesungguhnya laki-laki sejati.

Sahabat saya adalah orang pertama yang mengetahui apa pun yang terjadi di hidup saya, manusia pertama yang mendengarkan keluh kesah dan menjadi sasaran amuk kala saya dilanda gelombang hormon, penghibur kala hati saya patah, penolong saat saya jatuh, dan tak peduli betapa pun sulitnya saya, ia tetap ada. Ia memilih untuk ada. Pemandu sorak nomor satu di hidup saya, Bapak-Ibu yang terhormat, adalah pecinta sesama jenis yang Anda coba asingkan hanya karena perbedaan.

Bapak-Ibu yang Terhormat,

Usaha memerangi LGBT dan segala hal yang mencerminkan keberadaan mereka bukan saja menyudutkan mereka, namun juga menempatkan mereka sebagai entitas yang lebih rendah dari manusia. Menyebarkan ketakutan akan sesama makhluk ciptaan Tuhan dan menanam kebencian akan mereka yang tak pernah berbuat kejahatan, merampok rakyat, memanfaatkan kuasa untuk kepentingan diri, dan banyak lagi. Satu-satunya ‘dosa’ mereka adalah menjadi diri sendiri.

Barangkali Anda berargumen, menjadi LGBT bukanlah kodrat dari sang Pencipta Semesta. Barangkali menjadi LGBT adalah sebuah pilihan, namun, apa salahnya memilih untuk menjadi berbeda? Terakhir kali saya memeriksa, kita semua masih tinggal di negara demokratis, yang hukumnya memberi kebebasan bagi seluruh rakyat Indonesia bahkan untuk memilih seorang pembunuh massal untuk duduk di tampuk pemerintahan. Jika kita punya kebebasan seluas itu, apa yang salah dengan mengizinkan seseorang menjadi dirinya sendiri, mencintai siapa saja yang ia inginkan, selama hal tersebut tidak merugikan orang lain?

(Lagipula, tidakkah lebih baik mereka mencintai sesama, ketimbang menikahi … anak perempuan Bapak-Ibu misalnya, karena takut dianiaya?)

Bapak-Ibu yang Terhormat,

Sahabat saya rela kehilangan nyawa demi saya. Meski saya tak bisa mengatakan hal yang sama—karena saya lebih egois darinya—saya akan senantiasa membela keberadaannya sembari mengingat kalimat yang wajib dihafal mati semasa sekolah; bagian dari Pancasila pedoman anak bangsa yang semoga masih Bapak-Ibu camkan hingga detik ini:

Keadilan sosial bagi seluruh rakyat Indonesia.

“It is so ordered.”

My best friend is gay. The first thing I did when same-sex marriage became legal in France was sending him a text: You should get married in Paris. I promise I will be there. 

My best friend will not be able to get married in our country. Not in 20 years, not in 50 years, maybe not in a million years. He will not be able to walk hand-in-hand in public nor kiss in front of their little house. They will face some great consequences should they have enough guts to make one of their biggest dreams come true: adopting a child. But in some parts of the world, they are as equal as any human being could be.

They recently made a plan to travel to the U.S. and tonight, as my eyes were glued to the screen when the Supreme Court announced marriage equality in all of America, my heart swelled with joy. People cast stones to them here but their love is respected and celebrated where they are going. My best friend and his lover will be able to kiss and walk hand-in-hand in all 50 states in the U.S.—although I doubt they will travel THAT long.

I couldn’t be happier for them, because that’s how it should be. Love triumphs. Love surpasses any superficial boundaries and obstacles.

Congratulations, America. Today you show us, the rest of the world, that love conquers all.

Love wins.

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Picture by @alice_correa

The Wingless Angel

She was exhausted and slightly ill from a long yoga training. She slept the whole day, woke, got ready and rode her scooter to watch my silver screen debut, sat on hard cement floor and stayed until the movie finished. She apologized for coming just in time for the movie and not before to accompany me. She offered to take my backpack when I was called to the front. She sat in the same spot watching me and following the whole discussion even though she barely speaks Indonesian.

She waited until I finished talking with everyone. She asked if I was hungry and drove me to a restaurant. The restaurant was almost closed so she held my helmet while I ran down the street to find some food. I ate my food, bumped into some friends and chatted some more. She waited until we’re done talking. She drove me to the place where I parked my scooter, then she went home. She checked if I got home safe.

That wasn’t the first time she went the extra mile to be there for me. Cheering me all the way, supporting me, reminding me that I am loved. She uses the words ‘brilliant’, ‘amazing’, ‘beautiful’ more than I can remember. Because sometimes it’s hard for me to love myself.

When you have friends like that, keep them. Keep them in your heart and soul and never let them go. You don’t call them besties or sisters. They are wingless angels sent from above because Someone up there knows how difficult it could get sometimes.

They are here to remind us that we are loved. Massively.

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Tentang Sebuah Cincin

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Sayang,
Pagi ini ranah maya menyuguhkan kejutan yang lebih manis
dari roti tawar berselimut cokelat.
Ditemukan sebuah cincin di perairan pulau
yang katanya menjadi kediaman para dewa
Di sana terukir lambang keluarga, dua nama dan satu usia
Perlambang cinta yang lama dan tak sia-sia.

Sayang,
Pagi ini cincin yang terdampar membuatku tahu
Aku ingin kau yang ada di sampingku
Waktu putih rambut kita dan berkerut jari kita
Meniup lilin yang banyak jumlahnya
Saat merayakan hari jadimu ketujuhpuluhdua
Sambil membisikkan doa agar selalu kita bahagia.

Sayang,
Pagi ini doaku sederhana saja

Semoga kita abadi.

(Cincin ditemukan di Ungasan, Bali. Tidak ada kabar tentang keberadaan pemiliknya.)

The Old Man’s Love

“It’s been more than 10 years since your mother passed away. 11 years in just few months. Time flies.”

I nodded, even though he could not see me. Skype isn’t really our thing.

“Do you have a boyfriend? You aren’t so young anymore.”
“I’m taking it easy.”
“Don’t you need someone to take care of you?”
“I can take care of myself, Pap. And I’d rather be happy—you know what I mean.”

Silence hung in the air. But it wasn’t an awkward one. I knew he understands me.

“How about you? Got a girlfriend?”
“Why? You think I got one?”
I shrugged. “Perhaps. You need someone to take care of you, I guess.”

And he knew I could get a little saucy.

“You know the idiom, don’t buy a pig in a poke?”
“Sure.”
“You don’t be with someone because he is handsome, rich, or because he can take care of you. You should be together because he is the best person for you, the best you could ever have, and vice versa. Because he loves you like no one else can.”

And no one can love me like your mother. She’s hard to beat, that woman.

I have been hearing him saying it over and over again the past 11 years and it still brought tears to my eyes.

She loved me unconditionally. That’s the word… unconditionally. She understood me. She chose to be with me when nobody else would—not even my own family. A woman like that is hard to find.

“And a man like you isn’t exactly easy to find, Pap.”

He isn’t my real father, even though he’s more real to me than anyone else has ever been. He was in love with my mother since forever and loved her enough to let her go, to see her married another guy. He loved my mother so much that he took her back and patiently attended to her while she recovered from the wounds and damages my abusive father afflicted. He was the last and the only person by her side when cancer took my mother away. Divorce was a huge deal back then. Marrying a widow with two kids was even a bigger deal, especially since he was raised in a prominent family. It meant being a cast-out, a black sheep that brings shame and disgrace to the whole clan. My grandfather disowned him shortly after he took my mother in.

The marriage, or should I say, the signing of papers was far from glamorous. It was done in the small town hall. Nobody heard them exchanged wedding vow, yet they stuck together through thick and thin for as long as I knew. Without so much of a celebration or glorious declaration of never-ending love, they were an example of “till death do us part”.

My mother taught me to stand for myself, to be strong and courageous. My stepfather taught me to love unconditionally and persistently. He taught me that love heals and it stays, even long after the person is gone.

“I love you.”

He rarely says it, though. If you were raised in a conservative Chinese family you’d know what I mean. Exchange of words isn’t our best quality. But it’s there.

“Love you too, Pap.”

We meant it. We both knew we did.

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