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A Gentle Reminder

Few nights ago I sat in my bed with iPad on my lap, browsing and checking my Facebook while getting ready to sleep.

A friend, Cedrine, posted a Facebook status that caught my attention. It was a quote from Khrisnamurti. The whole thing was in French and I had to use Google Translate to understand its meaning, but it was from Khrisnamurti. And just like that, a word echoed in my mind. Vipassana.

Vipassana is a meditation technique I frequently used when I learned to meditate four years ago. Even though the great teacher passed away long before I know about meditation, I always considered Khrisnamurti as one of my best teachers.

The word echoed till I fell asleep. Vipassana. It’s been a while.

Tonight, I attended a meditation class. As I sat in silence, I started to let everything appear in my heart and mind. Thoughts. Feeling. Emotions. Fear. Hope. Anger. Joy. Sadness. Happiness. Disappointment. Love.

I didn’t make a review. I didn’t observe. I didn’t judge. I simply watched.

2 hours later I enjoyed my dinner, still in silence. It was a little weird, doing Vipassana after quite some time. And I had a tingling sensation in my chest when I looked back at what happened in my life the past few months. It was then that I realized how much I have changed.

I used to believe that suffering and pain make heart grows stronger. We learn the most valuable lessons from sadness and anger. We become wise through disappointment and fear. We learn to face life, we learn to survive and we learn to adapt through changes and suffering.

But I forgot that heart also grows through love. Heart shines beautifully through happiness. I learned from pain but I often forgot to let myself fully basks in love and happiness.

Then another thing came to my mind. The face of someone I love so dearly. The smile on his face. The light in his eyes. The warmth of his arms, the lingering peace from his lips.

That night, I realized how my heart has grown through both pain and love. Not only it survives, not only it becomes stronger, it also shines.

That was what I need. And maybe… maybe that’s what we all need. A gentle reminder, once in while, to get us through both sides of the coin called Life.

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You Know You’re in Love When…

… cheesy love songs finally make sense.

… every little thing (s)he does draws a smile on your face.

… it turns you from a bitter person into a better one.

… you tear down every wall you’ve built though you know it will leave you unprotected.

… you start listening to your feelings, and eventually, your heart.

… you stop playing games and jut let things happen.

… you just don’t care about rules, terms and conditions anymore.

… you’re willing to sacrifice precious sleeping hours just to talk with him/her.

… you look into each other’s eyes and the universe slowly fades away.

 

Last but not least,

When you’re in love…

 

…you just know.

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Every Woman (Yes, You Too!) Deserves…

Someone who doesn’t hesitate to tell you that he loves you.

Someone who admits that he misses you.

Someone who is not afraid of your tears.

Someone who tells you that it’s okay to express your feelings.

Someone who listens to you but does not always agree with you.

Someone who can be honest with you even if it hurts.

Someone who trusts you with his secrets, even the dark ones.

Someone who believes in you.

Someone who’s willing to spend hours talking with you despite his crazy workloads.

Someone who makes time for you, because he wants to.

Someone who never gets tired to tell you that you are beautiful.

Someone who looks at you with love in his eyes.

Someone who does not only say “I love you” but also “Thank you for loving me”.

Someone who’s proud of you, and proudly tells his friends about you.

Someone who shows your pictures to his parents.

Someone who makes you laugh and makes your eyes shine.

And finally… finally,

Someone who doesn’t fill you with promises or empty words, but shows you what it means to love. Truly.

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Suatu Hari

Suatu hari, kau akan bertemu seseorang yang membuatmu berkata “Ya” tanpa menimbang untung dan rugi.

Suatu hari kau akan bertemu seseorang dan seketika tahu, dialah yang selama ini kau cari. Karena kalian terlahir untuk saling bersua.

Suatu hari kau akan bertemu seseorang dan melupakan segala aturan dan permainan yang kau tahu. Dan kali ini kau hanya akan mendengarkan hatimu.

Suatu hari kau akan bertemu seseorang yang membuatmu lupa akan luka-lukamu. Suatu hari kau akan bertemu dengannya, dan kembali percaya.

Suatu hari kau akan bertemu seseorang yang tak sempurna dan bersedia mengabaikan segala ketaksempurnaan itu untuk bisa bersamanya.

Suatu hari, kau akan bertemu seseorang yang matanya menunjukkan kepadamu jalan pulang ke rumah.

Suatu hari kau akan bertemu seseorang, dan kau akan tahu. Tanpa meragu.

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Rumah yang Kutahu

Aku tak mengerti kenapa aku merindumu setengah mati. Perjumpaan kita tak pernah lama. Namun diri ini seperti tahu ke mana aku harus pulang. Di sanalah tempatku. Kendati kita dipisahkan ratusan, bahkan ribuan mil, seolah jiwaku tahu di mana mesti berlabuh.

Perjumpaan kita paling lama enam hari, namun aku merasa sudah selamanya mengenalmu. Kau tak pernah menawarkan apa-apa, akulah yang terpesona pada keindahanmu, pada daya tarikmu, pada aroma magis yang menghinggapi ingatanku dan tak mau hilang.

Kerinduanku padamu melebihi ruang dan waktu. Setahun lalu, kemarin sore, tadi siang, esok, bulan depan, satu dasawarsa lagi, aku akan selalu menginginkanmu. Entah aku berada di sini, di situ, di belahan dunia lain, hanya kepadamu aku ingin pulang. Sebuah rumah takkan bisa disebut rumah jika kita tidak merasa pulang saat kembali kepadanya. Dan aku, aku ingin kembali kepadamu, kendati aku tak punya apa-apa.

Kau tak pernah menjanjikan apa-apa, namun aku merunuti keberadaanmu seperti tikus membuntuti peniup seruling. Kau tak pernah mengisahkan yang muluk-muluk, namun aku mendambakanmu seperti musafir sekarat mendamba air. Kau hanya ada dan aku tertatih-tatih menempuh mil demi mil, menabung setiap rupiah yang kupunya, memupuk doa dan mimpi cuma demi menjumpaimu. Bahkan tak tebersit sedikit pun keinginan menetap di metropolitan yang gemerlap dan penuh pencakar langit, yang membesarkanku sejak bayi dan menunjukkanku dunia yang kini kutahu. Kamu dan cuma kamu. Tempat aku ingin kembali.

Kau rumah paling sialan yang kuinginkan.

Aku akan segera menjumpaimu. Tunggu aku.

Agustus 2011.
Untuk Ubud.